physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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