just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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