Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
