I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
