she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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