i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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