sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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