you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
