So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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