I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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