I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
