A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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