Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
