He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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