WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
