Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
