Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
