Can i not drive my cunt home
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
