new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
