apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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