I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
