I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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