if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
