Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
