I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
