Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
