dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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