I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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