Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
two words...techno handjob
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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