I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
