well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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