it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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