I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
