And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
