weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
worst night to have a conscience
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
