We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You're like the curious george of whores
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
