the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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