Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
