hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
