Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
