it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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