he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
whose ass print is on the piano?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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