Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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