More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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