told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
