you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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