fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
