why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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