Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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