I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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