he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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