Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
