i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
