Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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