I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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