He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
