Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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