When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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