in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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