Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
