i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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