Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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