And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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