The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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