you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize